Listening to: "I Love It" by Icona Pop
Outside: The wind! It blows!
If anyone has wondered why I have so rudely neglected this blog off and on for the past nearly four months, this is why:
Yes. For the past many, many weeks I have been in the throes of morning sickness. For several weeks it was enough for me to make an appearance at work and focus on not puking on the keyboard.
I have, however, finally answered that Burning Question - packaged in various ways, on a sliding scale from sometimes hopeful irritation to anxious frivolity - that my (loving, doting) parents have been asking, alluding to and hinting at for the past many, many years: when are you having a baby?
Yes, we can answer this question now! December 4th. We only just recently told our parents, along with our work colleagues, extended family, friends and neighbours.
So, in short: I am expecting. I am blown away by how such a little thing can make such a big difference. Questions are directed at my stomach. I answer on behalf of Jellybean. "Doing well, thanks!" and "Ready for some pickles and ice cream!" tend to be the prevailing answers.
|Not me, but this is exactly what it was like. Right down to the strappy tank top.|
I've gone off coffee, tea, hot showers, seafood (not that I've liked it much anyway), air fresheners, the smell of paper, fuzzy socks, tight jeans, tight clothes in general, long walks, running, any amount of stairs, the color orange, the smell of cooking ground beef, and, curiously, Olly Murs. All of these make me feel sick. I am sure when I go back to normal... I may or may not like "Army of Two."
But my oh my, there is magic in it. I went to visit my widwife last week and listened to the rapid-fire wump-wump-wump of Jellybean's heartbeat. It was the sweetest sound I've ever heard. Profound, powerful, real. I am in awe.
And so I move slow. I walk through molasses in my journey through household chores each Saturday. I munch steadily on grapes and green beans. I have my husband do all the heavy lifting. I chronicle the names that come unbidden into my mind on the train commute home. I sit on a sunny park bench on my lunch break and imagine - was it imagined? - I can feel the butterfly flutter of the first kicks.
I think of the babies and kids I've written about in some of my novels and I wonder, what will this be like? Is the power of the (previously childless) imagination anywhere close to the real thing?
I reckon part of the adventure is the not knowing. And learning as you go.
I am looking forward to it - Jellybean's going to teach me so much.
|This is me! Holding the whole universe in my hands.|
Have a happy Sunday, everyone!