Listening to: "Ghosts" by Siobhan Donaghy
What the hanging potted basket's doing: The tiny conifer, mums and ivy - shivering, dotted with morning rain
First thing this morning, my better half just gone to work and I'm making the bed and tidying up the errant clothes that washed up in the corners of the room.
(Those of you who know me, do you remember how I've told about my daily myopic bravery - running, swimming, and showering - because without my glasses I can't see anything unless it's three inches from my nose?)
So the clothes.
I fold, I flatten, I tuck them into wardrobe and shelf.
Then there's this fuzzy brown blob on the floor. At my feet. In my first-thing-in-the-morning blinking half-asleep confusion, not to mention the near-sightedness that's plagued me since I was about 8, I kneel down and inspect this coin-sized blurry blob. As I come nearer, I'm like this: Sock fuzz? Leaf? Wad of cotton thread?
Three inches from the object, and my curiosity is sated.
I am saying good morning to this:
A huge, disgusting spider. In yo' face! He says.
Nothing, I'm telling you, nothing will wake me up more effectively than this.
And so, I leap back (gracefully, without knocking anything over). From somewhere, a girlish scream.
I shiver and consider my options: Run screaming from the house. Grab the hoover and vacuum it up. So I do what everybody does, I disappear into the bathroom to think about it. Like in any emergency, you must assess the situation.
Upon my return, the brown blob has moved, in a futile effort to get away. But I get a handy old-fashioned pint glass (as you do) and swoop down and it's now my captive. Aha!
Now, we wait.
I'm going to have to decide how to handle this situation sans my better half, and so this will probably turn out messy, with cake flour inexplicably covering every available surface.
Because I've chosen a relic of a pint glass, unfortunately I don't have the option of throwing it away. So I will get out the thick bleach and the heavy-duty Marigolds for the cleaning of said glass.
Once I've decided what to do.
So begins my first day of a 2-week holiday off work.
What better way to get in the mood for Halloween? I mean...
Oh you know what, no. I can think of better ways. Snacking on candy corn and apple-bobbing being two.
Perhaps if I put a tiny veil on it, the spider can feature in my wedding in some cute and unexpected way...?
I'll go get the flour.